One of those days...

Not feeling my mojo today. Truth be told, I feel as if my sense of ‘inner calm and balance’ has taken a bit of a nose dive this past week. I can’t quite put my finger on it – although, I know that it’s probably not helped by a number of life stresses and pressures that are pressing in on my life. I had the day off today due to hospital appointments all morning at Heartlands (I’ve got a follow-up appointment in two weeks). Nothing serious, just keeping tabs on the progress with my health! On returning from the hospital, I’ve been in bed pretty much for the remainder of the day. I’m feeling really achy and shattered – physically, mentally and emotionally. I slept a bit, but I’m finding that my sleep in recent days is not at all refreshing – because of the life concerns burdening on my mind – I’m having loads of restless nights. I’m resisting going back on the anti-depressants. Personally, I’m so ANTI being on anti-depressants -something about me feeling relinquished to the status of ‘failure’ for not being able to manage my mental and emotional health without them – even though, I must admit they have helped me in the past. Two significant periods that I’ve been on anti-depressants for a period of time, include: first, in 1996 after my Masters degree, I went through a particularly difficult time, and I was on them for about six months; the second occasion, is this year in coming to terms with a number of life-changing issues that have affected me deeply since July 2007. Anyway, I stopped taking my current prescription - which I've been on since the beginning of the year - about a month ago, thinking that I was over the worst of it (whatever 'it' might be) - maybe not!?! Thank goodness, I meet up with my counsellor tomorrow (Fri 19th Sept). It’s meant to be our final session – but I may need to request for more sessions. I get so frustrated when I think things are looking up and then, again and again, I come crashing down! Hopefully, all this fog that I’m in will pass. Well, life's getting busy again – in terms of my writing courses start back up next week – and maybe that focus will help me get back on track with ‘being and living’. It’ll be good to get back into some serious writing, with regards to my poetry and prose after a lull over the summer. Incidentally, I came across a great tune on You Tube today titled: It’s your love (Tim McGraw & Faith Hill). Funny, how a song can make you smile or weep depending on how you’re feeling inside. With my mojo gone (fingers-crossed, not for too long!), on listening to the song (several times today)... I wept. But, it’s still a great little tune! p.s. started reading Salmon Fishing in the Yemen (Paul Torday) - so far, so good...!

Does the tortoise win the race?

Sunday, 7th September... it was an exhilarating feeling to complete the Adidas 5K Challenge – albeit a power walk – in 47 minutes! I recall that I did the London 10K Run (about ten years ago) in about the same time – however, back then I was fitter and healthier and in fact I completed the course in a run. Nevertheless, after the battles I’ve had with my health in recent years – which has indeed affected my fitness levels – it was a great personal achievement to complete the course in the time that I did it in.

Despite the drizzle and grey weather it was fantastic to see the commitment of so many women who came out to complete the Adidas 5K Challenge in support of their sponsored charities. An incredible buzz infused the atmosphere during the mega warm-up session with a fitness team. All revved up and rearing to go, the race started earnestly at 10:30 am. The serious runners began the race from the right lane, and both power and casual walkers commenced on the left lane. The serious runners completed the challenge in record times, and I believe that the first place runners ran the race in fifteen minutes flat. The rest of us had up to two hours to complete the challenge. As I’ve mentioned I completed mine – with a fellow power-walk partner (who I met on the day) – in forty-seven minutes. The course was a relatively flat and direct route which catered to all abilities of runners, joggers, walkers, and even those with visible disabilities; for example, I spotted a lady in a wheelchair, and there was another blind lady who completed the course with her sighted helpers.

There were many highlights to the event. One of the more rewarding experiences on the day was the sight of all the charities on a rainbow-colour display of T-shirts sported by women of all creed, colour, shape and size – a beautiful montage to both the multitude of charities represented, and the sisterhood of womankind. I stood amongst many, playing my part to raise money and awareness for my chosen charity: Action Aid. Each step I took – inspired by the support of many colleagues, acquaintances, and friends – led to the fulfilment of both a personal and charitable endeavour. And although I’d made the decision to participate in this Adidas 5K Challenge around June, it wasn’t until the beginning of August that I began fundraising in earnest for the event so it’s been such a satisfying accomplishment to have fundraised nearly £250 in a month. Hoorah!!! Definitely... this has very much been a team effort and success – namely, the combined effort of all those who’ve supported me financially and/or in prayer – in contributing to the work of Action Aid.

My sense of achievement from this challenge has given me the impetus to continue to improve my fitness levels, and look ahead to perhaps a bigger challenge next summer – again to help with raising money for Action Aid, and in particular their HIV/AIDS work. Many of you may not have been able to support me financially in this endeavour, but I hope all of you will stay connected with my news/blogs – and may feel inspired to sponsor me in future events of this kind that I may engage in as I (with your help) strive to ‘be the change I want to see in the world’ (Ghandi).

Once again, huge thanks to everyone for all your support with helping this tortoise win her race!

Digging deeper!

This weekend (Sat 13th & Sun 14th Sept) I undertook a WORKSHOP course titled: Creativity & Life. It was an incredibly challenging, and thought-provoking course helping us to explore a myriad of ideas and concepts e.g. one area we looked at was – the imagination, wonder, playfulness in Jesus-centred spiritual growth. I found the course contained great insights and revelations – in my opinion, quite revolutionary – as to helping me think deeply as to seeing a more robust picture of the nature of God through Jesus. As I've said, I found it to be an incredibly challenging course and I look forward to attending other courses being offered by www.workshop.org.uk in the future.

Miss… you’re so random!

A couple of days into the new academic year – after three days of Staff INSET – I was asked if I’d be able to come along as a team leader for a Year 10 spiritual retreat. With very little thought, and a quick scan of my diary, I gave my consent. So it was that on Tuesday 9th Sept, around 2 pm, I found myself on a coach load of almost thirty students heading down the motorway to Soli House, in Stratford.

It never ceases to amaze me how often God makes appointments with us even without us realising it or before we perceive the event. The priest-in-charge offered the young people a similar thought: “you might not believe, or indeed realise it, but God called you to come on this retreat to have an opportunity to engage with, and encounter Him”. And I found that I too had been led – notwithstanding that it was a last minute call – to come along and do business with God.

The retreat was a powerful spiritual experience for me amidst ongoing personal struggles. In the quiet and calm of the surroundings, I found God ministering to my spiritual needs – reminding me of his enduring love and presence in every situation. In recent weeks, I have been praying that God would move me from a place of fear to a place of faith, and during this retreat I was given a gentle reminder that the wind of change that is needed to propel my transition from ‘fear to faith’ consists of: taking God at his word, and choosing to trust him completely. Not surprisingly, moving to that place of total surrender is no easy feat and is a daily and ongoing challenge for me. However, after many years (over five years, if anyone is counting!) of spiritual stalemate, I have decided that I do want to press more into the Father’s heart, dig deeper into scripture, and move to the next level in my relationship with God. Hence about two months ago, I made a commitment to read the entire bible using the book ‘Searching the Scriptures’. And I must say that I’ve got so much from the book of LUKE which I’m re-visiting again with new eyes – being washed and cleansed afresh with numerous nuggets of truth e.g. “Any of you who does not give up everything he has, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:33)! Having made this commitment, I have sensed God opening more of himself to me – seeking me out in the routine of my life, and equally, in the out-of-the-ordinary events such as this Soli House retreat.

Hence in the midst of a gaggle of nearly thirty Year 10 boys and girls going through their own private journeys with God and despite the three days of sleep deprivation (on the first night, I didn’t get even an hour’s sleep!) – I found myself being renewed by the person of Christ, and the love of God. In addition, it was rewarding to experience this group of young people outside of the school environment and see their faith journeys being nurtured in this way. Getting to know the young people, and having the opportunity to share my life story with them – to the extent that one girl commented: 'Miss... you’re so random...' what a treat!

Summer blues!

Less than a week to go and I am struggling with a cold (in the tail-end of what has been a beleaguered summer ... weather-wise). I believe I caught this chill on the way from church last Sunday evening; dressed for summer (in a knee-length dress over jeans), sitting at the bus shelter waiting for the bus I was caught up in the bluster of rain and wind. Not exactly Hurricane Gustav conditions, but pretty unsettled conditions! Worse of all, I didn’t have my mega-umbrella with me so I did get soaked on the journey to and from church. Indeed, it was extremely uncomfortable sat in church all damp and wet while trying to worship and praise God. Still, it was the walk back to the bus stop (where I got thoroughly soaked), and the twenty-minute wait for the bus, that sealed my fate – the onset of a cold, which I felt the next morning. All day yesterday (Monday) my nose was running uncontrollably like a baby’s, and my body succumbed to the aches and pains that had settled in my joints and muscles. What a way to start the week, in terms of keeping up my fitness preparation, after such a promising start earlier that Sunday – where I managed to pop along to the LA Fitness Spin class at noon. Unfortunately, not much else has happened since that hour’s exertion. But having rested up all evening yesterday (after running some errands in the afternoon – which in some ways, I consider has contributed to helping with my fitness levels – that is, walking from here to there), I hope to manage another Spin class or session at the gym a couple of more times this week before Sunday.
In spite of my struggles with this cold, I remain excited and look forward to the event on Sunday. I have just found out from the Action Aid Office (London) that I am the only person participating in this Adidas 5K for Action Aid on the Birmingham Women’s Challenge! So, if you happen to be in town (Birmingham, by Centenary Square) – look out for me in the brilliant red Action Aid T-shirt (striding along in a power-walk) and give me a holler or a wave. I take this opportunity to THANK EVERYONE that has supported me in this venture! I must confess, I have been bawled over by the level of support and well-wishers that I have received in this short month of fund-raising and I look forward to doing lots more in the future for Action Aid and contributing to the work of HIV/AIDS nationally, and globally.

A lesson from Arthur & Dolly!

Last weekend I was given the grand responsibility of looking after a friend’s two rabbits, Arthur and Dolly, who have recently had two babies. Both Arthur and Dolly are young rabbits, and are different in looks as they are in personality. Arthur is a strong, sculpted hare with a beautiful coat of grey. On the other hand, Dolly is a fluffy ball of white’ish fur. In fact, when I first saw her, I mistook her face for her backside because her eyes, nose and mouth were hidden behind her long-haired coat; a distinctive feature of the Angora rabbit (I later found out from Joel). In terms of personality, Arthur is a feisty rabbit who doesn’t like a lot of human fussing, e.g. being picked up and stroked (yes... he scratched me enough times for me to learn this lesson quickly enough). Dolly, is a placid creature more amenable to the human touch, enjoying being petted and stroked. Although, I found Arthur’s personality more challenging, over the weekend, I grew to a place of accepting Arthur’s strong-willed nature. Last night, Joel reminded me of a teacher’s mug that I bought several years ago which reads: ‘they’re all God’s little children’. It got me thinking. Indeed, despite Arthur and Dolly’s very different personalities, they are both unique and loved by their owners. In the same way, as we negotiate all manner of personality types in this world we must recognise that in spite of the challenges of human nature, we are all God’s children, and we need to work hard at trying to accept people as they are. This is a useful reminder in any human interaction – a marriage, a friendship, and amongst work colleagues. Dolly and Arthur (more significantly) have taught me there is a certain maturity that comes with adjusting our responses to other personalities, however difficult, and even if they do fall short of our expectations. Accepting people as they are, or rabbits in this case, has been my lesson for the week – incidentally, that choice and responsibility is all of ours to make.

Running for a 'Healthier Africa'...

After a number of years of struggling with bouts of ill health, inevitably my fitness level has really suffered over this period. For a while I tried in vain to maintain the level of fitness which I achieved in my twenties through a rigorous and committed daily exercise regime. Unfortunately, as my health took a turn for the worse in 2005 I found it impossible to keep my exercise routine up, and soon gave up. Hence, it’s been a good couple of years since I exercised consistently, and it’s only in the last three months (as my health has improved) that I have started to re-engage with fitness and exercise. After years of being ‘out of the routine’, it’s such hard work trying to regain that motivation and discipline to go to the gym for an aerobic class, a swim, or even go for a run (a ‘jog-walk’ in my case) around the local park (and it must be said, that I am spoilt for choice in terms of green spaces in the Kings Heath/Moseley vicinity). Therefore as I seek the re-emergence of my athletic self, (well, what’s left of it in the tail-end of my thirties!) I have decided on this undertaking – to complete the Birmingham Adidas 5K. Entering for this 5K ‘run’ (although, I aim to ‘jog-walk’ or ‘power-walk’ the distance) has a dual purpose for me. First, to give me an end-goal that would work as an impetus, to give me the motivation to keep working hard at improving my fitness level. Second, in deciding to run on behalf of Action Aid, I wanted to raise money to support their HIV/AIDS work in Africa – a cause that is close to my heart for many reasons; not least, because my husband and I have been sponsoring a young girl from a Lesotho community since our wedding last July. Receiving intermittent newsletters about her life in her community is always a gentle reminder of the plight that faces the masses on the continent of Africa that suffer daily hardships due to corruption, poverty and disease. For these reasons, I am excited that I am in good health once again to go forward for this Adidas 5K on Sunday, 7th September. Less than five weeks to go! As I’ve alluded to, I will be working hard to get myself fit enough to make it round the 5K comfortably. Not a major distance (I know, having done a 10K about ten years ago in London – completing it in about 50 minutes), however, in light of the uphill health battles I’ve had in recent years – completing this route even in a ‘power-walk’ would be such a great personal achievement. And, as I make this personal ‘step towards a healthier me’, I ask that you support Action Aid by sponsoring my endeavours to make a ‘further step towards a healthier Africa’. I will be updating my blog regularly over the course of the next few weeks to keep you posted on how I am progressing with my training, and fundraising efforts. So, please do stay connected by popping in now and again. I take this opportunity to thank you for all your financial support towards the work of Action Aid!

For more news on this event and to sponsor me visit: http://www.myactionaid.org.uk/Walumba